Breathe

Tenn would often hide just how much he cared for Riku. He would often wonder if Riku ever thought he hated him.

But the truth was that Tenn did care for him, a lot. He loved him. Perhaps more than he should. But he had learned to come to terms with it. After all, the more he tried to fight it, the more it hurt him and the more it made him hate himself for it.

He would imagine what Riku's reaction would be if he ever found out about it. He'd probably be disgusted, and then hate Tenn even more. And that was the last thing he'd want.

As the one who had always looked after Riku, it would also be his job to keep himself in check. He couldn't let something like that get in his way. He had to be responsible.

But he still couldn't help the things he felt. No matter how he tried.

Riku's anxiety before shows had gotten much better and more manageable over time, but he'd still have some problems every once in a while. And Idolish7 had noticed how he seemed to calm down much easier with Tenn than with anyone else. And so, if he was nearby, he was always the one they called to help him. And he would always end up accepting. Today was one of those days.

He found Riku coughing and panting, sitting on the floor of the dressing room, a scene he had seen many times before. Tenn sat down in front of him.

"T-Tenn-nii-!" Riku tried speaking in between coughs, but failed.

"Shh, it's okay. You don't have to talk." He held both of his hands gently, and Tenn noticed how he always felt so warm inside when he did it. He pushed the thought away.

He managed to get Riku to keep the inhaler on his face. He tried to pull his hands away, but Riku kept holding onto one of them.

“Let’s take a deep breath…” Tenn said. He took deep breaths himself, while Riku closed his eyes and tried to match his rhythm.

They remained like that for a while, just breathing in and out, steadily. After a couple of minutes, Riku's hand slowly stopped its trembling. He had managed to stay in sync with Tenn, and opened his eyes.

"How do you feel?" Tenn asked.

"A lot better already." Riku then turned off the inhaler. He took a few more breaths, and then smiled. "I think I'm okay now."

"Good." Tenn tried to stand up, but was then surprised by Riku pulling him down into a hug.

"Thank you, Tenn-nii."

And that was when he felt his cheeks warm up a little and his heart skip a beat. He wasn't exactly the type to hug people, but if it was Riku… It made him feel so warm inside. He hugged him back and held him tightly. Part of him didn't ever want to let go. He wanted to stay alone with Riku for much longer.

But he still forced himself to pull away. He couldn't let himself succumb to his feelings so easily.

He saw the disappointment in Riku's face, and then smiled at him. "You should get going, right? Everyone's waiting for you."

Riku was silent for a moment, but still managed to smile. "You're right." He stood up and headed towards the door, but turned to look at Tenn one last time. "Thanks again, Tenn-nii. I love you!" And then he left.

Tenn felt butterflies in his stomach and his throat closing. Of course Riku didn't mean that kind of love. Tenn knew that. As much as he had liked to hear that, he was still disgusted at the part of him that wanted it to mean more.

He managed to calm himself down enough to leave the dressing room himself. He would just keep doing what he was doing before: keep his feelings to himself and, hopefully, one day they would disappear. As it should be…

But part of him still felt like he'd never stop loving Riku. And he didn't know if he was happy or angry about it.