So Close, Yet Distant

Despite how great Valentine's had been, Haru could very easily tell that Ren was acting weird. He had been as caring and charming as always, but something about his eyes felt so… distant. But she had a pretty good idea as to why: Goro Akechi.

Even if he hadn't told her himself that Akechi was important to him, it was already pretty obvious to her during Maruki's Palace. She noticed the way he looked at Akechi, and even how often he would try to include him whenever the other Phantom Thieves talked about hanging out. The fact that it was because of Ren that Akechi had come back to life in the first place was enough evidence to her that Ren cared about him a lot.

Given all that, she wasn't surprised that Ren would have been so affected when Akechi disappeared again. Of course he would. But she didn't expect for him to end up so closed off even after coming back from juvie.

And yet he had still made the time to let her go over to LeBlanc for Valentine's, and had still showered her with affection as he always did.

The morning after, she had decided to text him to ask if he was really alright. He just told her he was tired. Yeah, she didn't believe that. But she still decided to let him be for a while. Wait to see if he got better.

Ren sighed as he set down his phone. He had barely felt the motivation to get out of bed that morning, his head so occupied thinking about everything over and over again, as if thinking it once more would change the result.

He didn't want to make Haru worry, specially when Goro was involved. He knew Haru was kind, sometimes too kind for her own good, but he doubted she would feel comfortable with knowing he was grieving so badly over him . Or maybe she would be fine with it? Or was that just him trying to make himself feel better about his own situation?

He shoved his face on the pillow and groaned. Even Morgana had given up on trying to talk to him after the last 5 times Ren refused to tell him about it. He doubted Morgana would even understand it.

He knew very well Goro wouldn't want to be pitied. But he couldn't help but wonder what might have been if he hadn't died. Could he have actually become friends with the other Phantom Thieves? Could him and Goro have been actual friends? Perhaps proper rivals? Or maybe even something more?

He didn't really know how to "categorise" his feelings for Goro. He ended up just calling it a crush. Maybe if they had spent some more time together, he could have called it love.

He did still love Haru. He was 100% sure of that. Seeing her always made him feel so much better. Even with everything he was feeling, Valentine's had still managed to cheer him up, even if it was just a little.

If he ever lost Haru, he would react just as badly as he was reacting to losing Goro.

But, at the same time, it made him even more terrified of his feelings for Goro hurting her. That was the last thing he would want. She would have all the right to hate him, and even break up with him if she ever found out.

Whenever he ended up thinking about Goro, he would  remember of one specific time in Mementos.

He had protected Goro from a fatal attack and had teased him about how he "owed him" to no end. He loved making fun of him, but never being too harsh to the point of making him actually angry.

Back then, he had already noticed that his relationship with Goro had felt a little distant. But he had still had the hope of it becoming something more. He also liked the true Goro much more than the person he was pretending to be. He was much more unfriendly, sure, but Ren couldn't help but be somehow drawn to him. Perhaps he could have broken his walls just a little, if they had ever had the chance…

Ren had wished he could have saved Goro, but he knew fully well he couldn't be so selfish. Not after his own friends had woken up. Not after Goro himself had refused to live the life Maruki gave him.

But still… Out of all the people who could have died unfairly, why did it have to be him?

One week later, Haru had called him to come over to her place.

"We need to talk, Ren," She had requested very seriously.

Ren could feel his entire soul dropping to the ground. So that was it. She knew something was wrong with him (of course she would notice. He didn't know what he expected). He would have no choice but to tell her everything, and then she would obviously break up with him.

She greeted him with a smile, as she always did. But she had immediately changed to a serious expression once they entered her bedroom, which was already so familiar to him at this point. Ren could only sigh as he sat on the bed.

"What did you wanna talk about?" Ren asked, unable to even look at her without the anxiety attacking him. He sticked with just looking at the side table insead, but the framed picture of the two of them together just made his chest hurt even more.

"You seem to be a little weird lately. I'm worried."

He didn't respond, feeling his throat tighten. He knew he would have to sooner or later, but he couldn't get the courage to say it.

"It's because of Akechi, isn't it?"

He sighed again. There it was. No running away anymore. "Yeah. It is."

"So I was right… I know he was important to you." She approached him, grabbing his head and making him look at her. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

He brought his hands to hers, holding onto them tightly and taking deep breaths. He didn't want to ever let go. He didn't want to ever lose her. "I'm sorry," He finally said.

"You don't have to apologise, Ren."

"You don't get it…" He mumbled. "I… I actually had feelings for him. I know I shouldn't. You have all the right to get angry at me for it after what he did. I'm so, so sorry."

"Ren…" She just stared at him wide eyed for a second, in silence.

He looked away from her once more. He had expected her to slap him, get angry at him. Maybe even shout at him.

But instead, she just rubbed her thumbs against his cheeks. "Ren, I didn't hate him. And I don't hate you either."

He looked at her once again in shock. "You… You don't…?"

She shook her head.

"Not even after I had made you spend time with him?"

"Huh? When…" Haru took a moment to think about it. "Oh, that time." She sat down beside him with a smile. "I never actually told you how that went down, right?"

It was a few days after they had found Maruki's Treasure. Haru had mentioned to Ren how she could use some help with the plants at the rooftop. He had been busy that day, however, and had offered to ask someone else to go is his place.

She wasn't exactly expecting that to be Akechi, though.

He noticed her surprise. "Expected someone else, huh?"

"H-huh!? Well, I can't say I was expecting you ." She had just then thought that it might have sounded a little rude, and tried to fix it. "B-but-"

"I'm not offended, trust me,"

"Oh… Then, why did you even accept Ren's request?"

"I normally wouldn't have done something like this." He sighed. "But Ren just wouldn't stop bothering me and teasing me about how I "owed him one" after he protected me the other day."

Haru chuckled. "Oh, I remember that. You don't really seem angry, though."

"I'm not actually angry. But I didn't need him. I would be badly hurt, sure, but nothing Morgana couldn't fix. All he did was hurt himself."

"He didn't want to see you badly hurt, that's just how he is."

Akechi was silent for a moment before mumbling. "Guess it wouldn't really feel right if he didn't do it."

Haru didn't comment on that, instead going right ahead to the planters and telling Akechi what he needed to do.

They spent most of the time in silence, but it for some reason didn't feel right to her. Should she say something? Maybe ask him if he liked flowers?

She was a bit surprised when he was the one who broke the silence. "Why did you just accept my help?"

"Huh? Oh, well…" She wasn't really sure how to answer. She hadn't expected him to say anything at all.

"After everything, you should hate me by now. I was the one who said joining forces would be the best choice, but you have absolutely no obligation to spend time with me just because Ren sent me."

"Akechi… As I said before, I can't forgive you for killing my father. However, I think it was more Shido's fault than yours. I just…" She took a deep breath, finding the courage to say something that had taken so long for her to make herself admit. "I can't bring myself to hate you. I don't mean it as a form of pity." She sighed, but couldn't help but smile at him afterwards. "And also, Ren trusts you, so that's enough for me. I… I wanna know you better, if we ever get the chance."

"You would want to be friends? After everything?"

"That's just what I wish could happen. But I can tell you're not interested in being friends with any of us."

Akechi smiled slightly. "At least you're realistic about it."

Haru nodded slightly. Despite everything that had happened, she couldn't help but admit that she prefered this more honest version of Akechi, rather than the person he was just pretending to be.

"No wonder you two are together, you're just like him," He mumbled to himself.

She only giggled at that. She noticed how he blushed just slightly, and thought of how it looked kinda cute.

Maybe things could work out between them…

"I didn't hate him." Haru repeated herself once she was done telling him the story. "I really wish I could have gotten closer to him. I'm sure the others did, too."

Ren remained in silence for a while. He had tried to emotionally prepare himself so much for a breakup, and yet she was still there. Still showing him such a beautiful smile, her hands still gently holding onto his.

She wasn't angry at him. She wasn't even angry at Goro.

He somehow finally managed to speak once again, trying very hard not to start crying. "Out of all the people who needed saving… He was the one person I couldn't help… He refused to keep living at all… I know it's not my fault, and yet… Why do I feel so useless!?"

"You're not useless, Ren. For as long as I've known you, you've always been so kind. Even though you were so hurt and crying over Akechi, you still went on and welcomed me during Valentine's. You… You still made sure I was happy, and that I wouldn't worry about you."

He went quiet once again, still trying not to cry. Of course he had done that. He loved her, what else would he do on Valentine's?

"Hey, Ren, I've been thinking…" She began brushing her thumbs on his hands. "We're always having you listen to our problems, but have you ever had anyone listen to yours ?"

Ren had to admit that she was right. He was their leader, he had always promised to be there for them if they ever needed someone to talk to. But then… Who would support him ?

Haru kept smiling at him as she opened her arms for him. "Come here, Ren."

He immediately threw himself into her, keeping his face on one of her shoulders.

She pat his hair as she spoke. "It's okay if you wanna cry. I'll be here for you, for as long as you need."

Ren finally let himself start crying and was soon sobbing. He held onto her tightly, as if she could slip away or disappear at any second. He didn't want to lose her. He didn't want to lose someone else. "I'm sorry…"

"You don't have to apologise, Ren. I don't hate you for loving him." She said. She actually liked that he was finally being honest with her about how he felt. She also knew very well he had close to no control over who he loved. She herself wouldn't be able to say with complete certainty why she loved Ren.

And even though she and Goro had barely talked during the time he was back on the team, she couldn't help but feel that maybe they could have been friends… And part of her dared to wonder if she could even grow to care for him the same way Ren did.

"I love you." He sobbed into her shoulder.

Tears were rolling down her own cheeks at this point. "I love you too." She nuzzled onto his neck.

Ren ended up spending the night there. He had offered to sleep on the couch, but Haru insisted for them to share the bed.

It had been quite a while ever since the last time he had slept well enough. It felt like it had been ages ever since he was that refreshed. But what made it even better was waking up to Haru right beside him, still holding her from behind and feeling how warm she was.

He felt her move around as she woke up, which only made him want to hold her harder. But he thought maybe he was already holding her a little too tight. He gave her shoulder a soft kiss, smiling when he heard her giggle.

"Good morning." He nuzzled her neck.

"Morning." She turned around to look at him.

He couldn't help but giggle at her messy hair. She blushed, trying to use her fingers to fix it.

"Don't change it!" He held onto her wrists. "You look cute!"

"Ren, stop!" She giggled, her cheeks turning even redder.

He laughed a little as well, then let go of her wrists and just smiled at her. "Thanks for yesterday."

"Do you feel better now?"

"Honestly? I think I just fell in love with you even more." He winked at her.

"Ren!" She laughed in embarrassment once again as she slapped his shoulder lightly, then tried to hide her face behind her hands.

He managed to pull her hands away from her face. He then gave her a little peck on the lips.

They spent quite a long while exchanging little kisses or just cuddling in bed. And Ren couldn't be any happier. Somehow, being by her side like that made him feel like everything would be okay.

That was when he had decided to make it up to her on White Day.

Ren still couldn't believe that he had actually forgotten about White Day. He had actually spent more time thinking about just how he could possibly show Haru how much he loved her than actually planning anything. Everytime he had ideas, he would always end up thinking it was either too much or that he wasn't showing his appreciation enough.

Sojiro was a life saver, really. But he would have to thank him later. For the time being, he would only think of Haru.

The way Haru smiled and blushed whenever a new surprise came up just made him melt. Be it when they saw the starry sky from the restaurant, or when she thanked him for the bouquet, it always got more and more charming the more he looked at it.

"Why are you smiling so much?" She giggled.

"You're just too beautiful." He smirked at her. "I love you."

She giggled again, her face now completely red. She managed to say a little "I love you too." Despite her embarrassment.

He went to the train station with her afterwards, giving her a little kiss before she left.

It was only when the train was completely gone that he left, still unable to stop smiling just by thinking about her.

Maybe he really had fallen in love with her all over again.

Many months passed after that. Haru had already moved into an apartment and was going to college, while Ren was back at his home town going through his third year.

The distance made it hard for them to see each other very often, but they had been calling each other almost every week ever since Ren went back to his hometown.

She was very happy whenever they managed to find a day to see each other in person.

That was one of those days. She was the one going towards him, since it was the other way around last time. The station was full as always.

As she walked through the crowd, she accidently stepped on someone's foot. She looked behind her to apologise, but then quietly gasped at who she saw.

"Akechi-kun…?"

She tried to reach for him, but not only had him quickly left, Haru also couldn't move fast enough through the crowd.

She eventually managed to squeeze through the many people at the station, but by the time she had finished catching her breath, Akechi was gone. There wasn't a single trace of him left.

It was him. She was sure of it. She had managed to catch a small glimpse of his face before he left, and she was sure it was his voice when he let out a quiet "Ouch!" when she stepped on his foot.

She thought about telling Ren about it, but decided not to. He had told her how he thought he had seen a glimpse of Goro when he was going back home. He was sure he had seen Goro…

She remembered how desperate he was when he told her that. She didn't want to bring back his pain.

And yet, part of her wanted to run looking for Akechi and ask for answers. After how many times she had seen Ren cry over him already. After how many times she had wondered what might have been if he had sticked around just a little longer…

She had only then realised that a few small tears were rolling down her cheeks. She wiped them away and took a deep breath.

Hopefully the subway trip would be long enough for her to calm down before meeting with Ren. She knew he would notice something was wrong otherwise. She would rather not have him worry over her.